Can You Divorce Someone Without Them Knowing?
In most cases, no. Courts require that your spouse receive notice of the divorce so the marriage can be legally ended. This requirement is known as service of process—the formal delivery of divorce papers after you file them with the court.
However, if notifying your spouse is not possible despite reasonable efforts, courts may allow alternative methods of service. These exceptions exist to prevent one spouse from being trapped in a marriage simply because the other spouse cannot be found or refuses to engage.
Serving Divorce Papers on Your Spouse
After filing for divorce, you are usually required to deliver copies of the divorce petition, summons, or other required documents to your spouse. You do not have to serve the papers yourself. Common service methods include:
- A professional process server.
- The county sheriff or local law enforcement.
- Voluntary acceptance or waiver of service signed by your spouse.
Once service is completed, the person who delivered the papers prepares an Affidavit of Service (also called proof of service), which must be filed with the court.
Special situations
- If your spouse is incarcerated: Jails and prisons typically have specific procedures for service. Simply mailing papers is usually not sufficient. In some cases, an incarcerated spouse may sign a waiver of service.
- If domestic violence is involved: You may request a protection order before or along with filing for divorce. Law enforcement usually serves both the protection order and divorce papers.
- If your spouse lives in another country: Additional rules may apply, including international service requirements.
What If You Don’t Know Where Your Spouse Is?
If you cannot locate your spouse after making diligent efforts, you may be able to ask the court for permission to use service by publication (sometimes called divorce by publication).
Courts generally require proof that you made serious attempts to find your spouse. These efforts may include:
- Contacting family members, friends, or employers.
- Checking last known addresses.
- Conducting internet and public record searches.
- Attempting personal service at known locations.
You typically must file a motion explaining these efforts before a judge will approve service by publication.
How Divorce by Publication Works
If the court approves service by publication, you must publish a notice of your intent to divorce in a newspaper near your spouse’s last known location. The notice usually runs for several consecutive weeks, depending on state law.
After publication:
- Your spouse is given a set period of time to respond.
- You must file proof that publication occurred, often including an affidavit from the newspaper.
- Some states also require an Affidavit of Military Service confirming that your spouse is not on active military duty.
If your spouse does not respond within the required time, you may be allowed to proceed with a default divorce.
What Happens If Your Spouse Ignores the Divorce Papers?
If your spouse is properly served but fails to respond by the deadline, the court may allow the divorce to move forward without their participation. This is commonly referred to as a default divorce.
In a default divorce, a judge may still issue orders addressing:
- The legal end of the marriage.
- Division of property and debts.
- Child custody, visitation, and child support.
- Spousal support, if applicable.
Courts may review your requests carefully to ensure fairness, even when the other spouse does not appear.
What If Your Spouse Is Evading Service?
If your spouse is intentionally avoiding being served, there may be additional steps you can take before requesting publication, such as:
- Using certified or first-class mail with return receipt (if allowed by state law).
- Requesting help from the sheriff’s office.
- Hiring a private process server or investigator.
Only after these methods fail will courts usually approve service by publication.
Why Legal Help Matters in These Situations
Divorcing an absent or uncooperative spouse involves strict procedural rules. Mistakes in service can delay your case or result in dismissal. Legal guidance can help ensure that notice requirements are met and that court orders are enforceable.
You can use Rocket Lawyer tools to prepare divorce paperwork and stay organized, or Consult a Legal Pro for help navigating service requirements, default divorces, and state-specific rules.
Please note: This page offers general legal information, not but not legal advice tailored for your specific legal situation. Rocket Lawyer Incorporated isn't a law firm or a substitute for one. For further information on this topic, you can Ask a Legal Pro.
